she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
