i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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