I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
