I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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