i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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