My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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