it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize