I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't turn off my feet"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
