Need sex. Gaining weight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
