I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
