I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
