I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
