oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize