I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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