its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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