so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
