All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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