I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
