im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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