i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
