So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
