I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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