So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tornado booty call.. dedication
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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