We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
