I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
