I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
