Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
