I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
