I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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