I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
