they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
