I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
