WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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