Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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