Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
