What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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