??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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