My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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