My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize