I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
