I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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