Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
