so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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