i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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