My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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