Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize