DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
