I just made out with a guy for $7.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
