this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is Oprah even human
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
