please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize