Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
