Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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