Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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