The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
