please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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