You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize