I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize