You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
