It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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