if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
