People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
