new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize