At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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