i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
