what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
