Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
