Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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