genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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