Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
