My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
