drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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