dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My vagina just recognized that song.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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