Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
