It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
