R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
