y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
