No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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