would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
