First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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