Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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