No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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