"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
