The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
