Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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