He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
