I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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