dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
