she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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