just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the condom got lost in my hair
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
