The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
