Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i out mim tonsoeep
the raccoons are back...
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