**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
