Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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